Social networking for all, I mean, all

On the eighth day, God created social networking sites.? “Go forth and network”, he said to all creatures.? Well, surely he must have ?

I met an aquantaince other day, and was shocked at the deep, dark circles under her eyes.? She was a new mother, juggling work and housework, and I could understand that she must be exhausted.

“Lots of work?” I asked her sympathetically.

“Not really, but I am spending far too much time online,” she said.? “You know, all these networking sites are so addictive.”

“Tell me all about it,” I said understandingly. “Twitter is bad enough, and then there is Linkedin, Facebook, Orkut..”? I stopped when I saw her shaking her head.

“Actually,” she said, “it’s not Facebook.? These days I spend far more time on Totspot and Kidmondo and Lil’Grams.? You know,” she added looking at my blank face, “those are social networking sites for Rohan.”

“You mean your 2 month old baby updates his profile?? Wow! What does he write about?” I asked, fascinated.? “Color of poop and frequency?”

She looked offended.? “What’s wrong with that, anyway?? That is very helpful information for lots of new mothers.? Anyway, he writes mostly about his parents.”

Yes, of course he would.? I was obviously missing the point here.

“I am also setting up my Dad’s Eldervoice page”, she said, “and that’s a lot of work too!”

“Wow”, I said, “that’s very nice of you!? I am glad you are doing this for your Dad!? He seems so internet savvy!”

“Actually, ” she grinned wryly, “he doesn’t know how to surf the net.? He doesn’t come anywhere near the PC at home.? But don’t you think everyone should have a networking page??? I will probably end up doing all the online interaction on his behalf, but it’s worth it! Think of the good it will do me, er, him!”

I nodded.? “So everyone in your house is on some social networking site then! Sounds great!”

“Well, almost everyone”, she corrected me.? “Buster is on Dogster and My Dog Space and Doggyspace.? He is very social, you know, has lots of online friends.? Then Kitty and Tabby are on Catster.”

I started to edge away from her at this point.? “Oh that covers everyone then,” I said with an air of finality. “Hey, it’s been great talking to you!”

But she wasn’t done yet.

“No, it doesn’t cover everyone”, she said, shaking her head sadly, “the goldfish doesn’t have any friends, poor Goldie!? Can you imagine, there are absolutely no social networking sites for fish!? Then there are my bamboo plants …”

“There are gardening forums for bamboo plants”, I interrupted hurriedly, “and I am sure there are pet care forums as well if you want information on fish.”

She looked at me sadly.? “You don’t get it, do you?” she asked me.? “Goldie has his own personality!? He ‘s not? just another fish!? He is an individual, a member of this family!? How can I deny him his own identity?”

Good point.

So all of you wannabe millionaires, could you start a social networking site for goldfish?? And bamboo plants?? I am sure it will bring in the millions!

P.S. This is a work of satire. It’s not a true story – it is tagged Fiction (though I know that isn’t obvious unless you look closely.) I am sorry if I have misled any readers into thinking this was a true story. But all those websites (Dogster, Catster etc.) do exist and I am sure there is someone out there who closely resembles this person!


30 thoughts on “Social networking for all, I mean, all

  1. Hey! Finally i’m first to comment on someone’s blog!! 😀

    And networking sites! Oh they irritate me to no end! I used to be addicted to Orkut for like 6 months at the time it started…when it was simple and easy n fun to use…now i hardly ever use it. I do log-in everyday (habits die hard), but i seldom use it.

    I must meet this friend of yours! Would love to bow before her 😀
    Goldfish and bamboo too??? Their own identities? Whoa! oh my god! She must be the super woman of networking sites!

    Lekhni: I am sure you will come across her someday 🙂 I am still coming to terms with the people who think nothing of updating their pets’ profiles on Dogster and Catster 🙂

  2. Lekhni

    Methinks I will invest in an asylum where several people can be sent with no parole. For humiliating dogs by signing them on Dogster or whatever. Haven’t they heard, on the internet, nobody knows you are a dog? Woof!

    Lekhni: Dogster users probably think that on the Internet, nobody also knows that you are not a dog 🙂

  3. LOL 😀 i cant believe that its a true story!! Like Priya, I too was active initially on Okrut and now its more like checking mail. if some scrap comes I reply or wish people on occasions.

    Lekhni: It’s not an actual conversation, but all these sites exist! There are people like this… Truth is, as always, stranger than fiction 😀

  4. Sadly, I still live in the Paleolithic when it come to ‘networking’. I keep getting a zillion invitations to Orkut, or Facebook or Twitter, even from my typing-challenged aunt who lives in the Neolithic internet age, but am firmly resisting.

    [Lightbulb_on] I should start a network for all Networking Dummies!, here I come (hopefully that URL isn’t taken yet) [/Lightbulb_on]

    Lekhni: Can I join that network of yours? 🙂 Wait, would I become less of a dummy if I am part of a network?

  5. Only if I would have missed that disclaimer. ROFL !! Superb Post. And you know people decide their popularity quotient by number of people in their face book/orkut etc. Soon there will be another parameter ; number of family members on social networking site and no. of networking sites you are onto 😀

    Lekhni: I can well see that happen one day – and how about parents getting the latest info on their children (in college and living away) through social networking sites? I am sure that is already happening somewhere?

  6. Thank god we dont have so many…! and hope none is inspired by ur post to start so many… 😛 no offense meant.

    Lekhni: I hate to break this to you, but all the social networking sites mentioned in this post exist 😦 The only options left to start are the goldfish and bamboo sites – if you are interested 😛

  7. You scared me for a second. 🙂 Today kids blog like anything. Internet was a luxury at our times. 🙂 But, you never know who is the other person on internet. Maybe, I am that fish! 😛

    Lekhni: Hi Goldie, hope you like the idea of Fishbook 😉
    Yes, I agree that we are the oldies here, forget the Internet, we didn’t even have cellphones when we grew up!

  8. I personally know some people who are on 10-15 social networking sites! So this story is not so much a work of fiction. Such people do exist. I use twitter but then that’s like a mirco blog. Orkut/Facebook area bore these days and I just chck them to see new pics of ppl…

    Lekhni: I agree, I can well imagine that such people exist 🙂 Only the conversation is’s just satire.

  9. Hello Lekhni! – This was a wonderful read! I love your writing. You have made your point with the great way to connect to others – humor. It has a good vibe. The networking sites are very helpful. However amidst the euphoria and adulations – I think the purpose seems to be dwindling away. This should be a wake up call for all the ‘social’ freaks with ‘unique’ identity on Orkut, facebook, Linkedin etc 🙂 Keep writing
    P.S. I have been tracking your writing since a month or so. This is my first comment- but certainly its just the beginning! Happy blogging! Hail the Lekhni!

    Lekhni: Thanks, I am looking forward to more comments 🙂 You are right, the purpose of these sites is dwindling away. Something like Linkedin, for instance, might be helpful, but I cannot see anyone getting a break through an online contact that he/she has never met.

  10. 🙂
    this is so bizarre that it must be true 🙂
    there was a guy ( i think that it was a guy) on a photo sharing site that i know – who was in virtual tears about someone virtually stabbing him in the back.

    Lekhni: I am sure it is true of someone (I just haven’t met her yet 😉 )
    We have virtual emotions and feelings in our virtual world – sounds like a SIMS game, right? 🙂

  11. Ahh… here is what you should do. Create a profile called “Nemo’s Dad” on dogster or whatever and send a “fraanship” request to your friend’s goldfish. Claim that for now, you’re piggybacking on this site. That should open up a lot of doors for fun 😀

    Lekhni: Great idea 🙂 Slight correction – if the profile is on Dogster it would be “Nemo’s Dog” or “Nemo’s Friend Buster” or whatever 🙂

  12. Hey Lekhni,

    Great post! I really did think you were describing an actual person — and believed every bit of it. The networking sites have pervaded realms of culture they should not have, i.e. the lives of pets, and I would not be surprised to find BambooSpace sometime soon. Hmm… maybe that’s a lucrative idea?


    Lekhni: The way things are going, Bamboospace does seem like a lucrative idea 🙂 I am sure the woman I described exists somewhere – reality has always been more bizarre than anything I’ve ever imagined !

  13. That s freaky isn’t it? All the addiction to internet and networking sites!! I haven’t checked my orkut profile in ages, wonder if I even remember the password!! hmm… I’m sure not doing the ‘in’ thing 🙂 But I’m comfortable this way.

    Lekhni: You are right, it is an “addiction”, and if you can get over it, that’s great!

  14. Whoa, I cannot believe it. I hardly have time catching up with my blog reading and news reading from my feed reader, This is just too overwhelming for 1 person to assimilate. I guess this is what happens when a concept proliferates.

    Lekhni: You are right, I wonder where people find the time !

  15. great comic and writing. i can handle the fact of families creating or reserving domain names for their young ones. but to the extend of pets and garden shrubs keen on sns, cannot imagine in this lifetime 😀

    Lekhni: Yes, I cannot understand the pet sites either 🙂 The pet certainly doesn’t benefit from them..

  16. I think God created social networks before anything, on Day Zero, and then realizing that there has to be ‘people’ to ‘network’ he went on to create the frikkin world! 😀

    Lekhni: See, He had his priorities right 🙂 Create the network first, and people will come!

  17. Lolzzzz.

    It sure feels good to come back here after a long time and read such a hilarious post! I love the flow and the subtle sarcasm thrown in, although much of it can be/ is true if you look around.

    Lekhni: What does it tell me? You aren’t coming here often enough 😉
    Thanks 😀

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