A script for the Mars lander story

First, Phoenix finds ice on Mars.? It is water ice and all the good stuff.? So Phoenix is now sitting on ice and trying to bake a little of it.

Then, NASA finds that cracks have appeared in the ice under the Mars lander.

What next, you wonder.

Given that this is progressing like a science fiction movie, we should expect to see one of the following scenarios:

1.? The crack widens, a giant hand tentacle comes out from the crack and pulls the Lander in.

2. A little seedling pops out through the crack, proving conclusively that there is life on Mars.

3. The Lander is actually sitting on the roof of a sports stadium.? The roof is opening.

Any more ideas on what will happen next?

17 thoughts on “A script for the Mars lander story

  1. Mars is actually inhabited by by micro-men who can only be seen under a microscope. This peace loving civilization is disturbed by this super sized giant machine that has landed on their planet.
    They try to catch satellite waves across the universe hoping to find a solution wherein another civilization on another planet may have faced a similar situation. They chance upon Tollywood and pat comes the answer!

    All the micro-men on mars are chanting ‘Jai Chenakesava’ in unison and that has resulted in the cracks. Of the big giant machine doesn’t take this as a warning they will chant once again and then the ground will crack open and swallow the lander!

    OK I’ll stop! Gotta watch some meaningful cinema to get back to my senses…

    Lekhni: This looks like fun! I have mental pictures of Martians (i) trying to copy Rajinikanth’s gestures, and speech. When they do appear on Earth, they will speak Rajinikanth-ese, a language that only a few unfortunates on Earth (which include quite a few Japanese) can understand πŸ˜‰

  2. The Lander is actually sitting on the roof of a sports stadium. The roof is opening.

    We hear noises…loud screaming…sounds like singing, cheering and clapping. The dome fully opens up to reveal……SHEA STADIUM, 1965. It’s the Beatles on stage. Mars is where the solar system keeps the past, safely tucked away for future reference.

    Lekhni: That would be so nice πŸ™‚ I hope it’s just the Earth’s past that’s there in Mars, I don’t much want to know what Jupiter’s past was.
    But if the Beatles are there, I want to be the first tourist on that Ares rocket πŸ˜€

  3. Ha! Mars is actually the secret ‘otherwordly’ location of the Isle of Avalon, and the Mars Lander is about to wake up ol’ Artie from his sleep, so that he can come save this country ‘in its time of greatest need’.

    ….And when he does get here, he will be happyslapped by some teenage yobs, and the youtube video will generate 600 million hits.

    Lekhni: King Arthur of the Excalibur and Round Table fame? Given the amount of history knowledge that teenagers in the UK and US have, they might mob him thinking he was really Elvis πŸ˜€ (Elvis, King Arthur, both ancient Kings, what?)

  4. Should I go with ??! on this one? Perhaps not… perhaps as the crack opens, slowly but steadily a large flood-lit, sound-wired stage rises up – and The King appears, doing his pelvic shake to Jailhouse Rock. Thaaaaaaaaaaaat’s right, one of the supermarket rags turned out to have got its factoids right – Elvis Aaron Presley is alive and giving concerts on Mars!
    Any good?

    Lekhni: That supermarket rag must be a Martian newspaper in disguise πŸ™‚ I can imagine the guys at NASA in shock as Elvis rises up and dislodges the Lander (or dances with it) πŸ™‚

  5. Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
    Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little red planet whose water there/ water not there speculations are so amazingly frequent that it’s primitive neighbors have permanently stationed a robotic spacecraft on its surface.
    This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small white cubes of ice, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small white cubes of ice that were unhappy.
    And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in the US of A, suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
    Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terribly stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever.
    This is not her story. This is the story of how she, not only wrote humorous take on news, but also started writing humorous scripts for Mars Lander story.

    Sorry for this huge lame inspired(copied mostly!) excerpt from one of my favorite books. πŸ˜€

    Lekhni: Douglas Adams is turning in his grave πŸ˜€ Unless he has leaped up to sue me (and you) for copyright infringement πŸ˜€

  6. Lekhni

    You have a very fertile imagination. Two images kept popping in my head – one from Aliens, something, a weird life form bubbling out, and the other from the video of Thriller πŸ™‚

    Lekhni: “Aliens” I can understand – the tentacles must have brought that image. As for Thriller – well, methinks Michael Jackson really doesn’t need all those special effects to look like an alien πŸ˜›

  7. Phoenix is sitting on a spaceship. The docking doors open and gobble the lander. The spaceship is just one of the armada launched against the earth. πŸ˜€

    Lekhni: This is a good one too, reminds of the Indiana Jones movie. Huge spaceship buried in Mars that has been waiting millions of years for life on Earth to become intelligent enough to send a Lander to Mars πŸ™‚

  8. Next…? lemme run my imagination in full throttle…! πŸ˜€
    the ship breaks into the stadium and the crew discover that all players are playing a free for all Kung-Fu match and the leading sportsman stops by his finishing move and gapes at the ‘Phoenix’ πŸ˜›
    hell breaks loose and all the fighters of the ‘Royal Martian Defense Association – KungFu Wing-South Block- 4th Regiment-…. ‘ will attack…! The Earthlings are very wise and carry a mage along with them who transforms the phoenix into a real mystical ‘Phoenix’!
    The poor bird(!) is confused and burns up. Just when all the fighters feel that they’ve won, the phoenix rises from the ashes, performs a somersault, makes a ‘Martian-like face’ at the martians and flies away, transforming back into a phoenix ship… πŸ˜›
    now, i’m tired of the battle…! πŸ˜†

    Lekhni: Wow. In other words, you think the Martians live in a world that’s like a “World of Warcraft” game?

  9. The Crack opens wide to a worm hole, the lander drowns in and gets sucked into the worm hole. Travels all the way and ends up coming out of a Man hole in Chennai! After that the rest of the movie is in Tamil !

    Lekhni: I like this πŸ™‚ Going by the same logic, all those people who fell down Chennai manholes are probably sitting in Mars right now πŸ™‚

  10. Lekhni:

    Take a look around 06:35 min into this video to see what I was referring to:

    Although I agree about MJ, poor troubled MJ…

    PS: Matar paneer got 6 or 7 out of 10, mainly because frying paneer slices while talking strategy on the phone is not a good combo. I used my Le Creuset pans when I should have used my roesti pan, so they also stuck to the bottom a bit. Else ok. :-/ Thanks for the idea.

    Lekhni: I see what you mean – zombies, mist, darkness..I actually thought you were referring to MJ in werewolf costume πŸ™‚
    There was a time when I was perpetually on the phone with R (we were living in separate cities) and all cooking happened while the cordless phone nestled in one shoulder/ was clutched on one arm πŸ™‚ Luckily I never fried paneer slices then πŸ™‚

  11. As the crack widens, a splash of water comes out and throws the phoenix up in the air. It actually landed on a frozen whale. πŸ˜›

    Lekhni: It’s good to know that there are whales at least in Mars πŸ™‚ Perhaps we should send all the whale hunters over to Mars πŸ˜‰

  12. Mars actually has a core of a giant ball of water, only the surface has a solid crust and there are lots of gigantic sea creatures far more intelligent than humans living on that planet and they wonder WTF – why are these idiots trying to land on other planets when they could go deep water exploring in their own seas ….. but decide to keep the spaceship and the astronauts for investigation. … and go back to the game of water volley ball that is as popular there as football is on our planet. During the TV commercials, they air footage of Mars Landing just for fun – while the audience boos …..

    I could go on and on

    Lekhni: I know, any species with higher intelligence must think we are amazingly stupid, trying to destroy our own world in every possible world while hunting for signs of intelligence in other worlds 😦 The core is made of water? Quite possible, for all we know πŸ˜‰ We already know Mars’s core is not magnetic, who knows what it’s made of? πŸ˜›

  13. for most part of yesterday, accessing both your blog and my blog was difficult. it gave a message “IE cannot open this web page”. Today suddenly it is solved. do you know what happened and how it got solved.

    Lekhni: I had no idea this was happening because I use Firefox. But it turns out that this was caused by some sitemeter changes that impacted IE 6 and IE 7 users. The issue has been resolved by Sitemeter now. I just started using Sitemeter last week, after much hesitation, and this was all I needed to promptly yank it off my site πŸ™‚

  14. The dome opens and out comes Angaraka, the Lord of Mars, whose angry eyes are as red as his skin. He destroys the Phoenix with his mace and returns to his stadium of solitude to complete his morning Sandhyavandanam.

    Lekhni: I wonder what the NASA scientists worded the news? “Sudden blow from meteorite destroys Phoenix” ?

  15. “Lekhni: I like this πŸ™‚ Going by the same logic, all those people who fell down Chennai manholes are probably sitting in Mars right now :)”
    Oh it’s a one way hole, if you fall into the man hole in Chennai you will be rebounded back upwards with a spray of drainage, like how Vijay erupts out in Kuruvi or how Hrithik erupts out in Dhoom (Whatever part number). Heard Vijay and Hrithik have fan clubs in Mars, the lander told in a special interview.

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