NYC versus DC – who has the bigger rats?

There is a rat race going on.  It’s been New York City and Washington D.C.’s subway systems. 

D.C.’s Metro fired the first salvo in December, with its ad asking riders not to bring food or drink on trains.  The ads (see picture below) made snide remarks about other subway systems that have “rats the size of house cats”.   Now, which subway system could that be?

Courtesy WMATA 

Today, the Gray Lady woke up from her long winter nap and spotted the ad.  One of her reporters, Jennifer Lee, bristled, and her nostrils twitched.  It’s true we have rats in City Hall, she said, and even in fast-food restaurants.  But they are not the size of house cats.  She then went on to ask her resident rodentologist to testify that rats cannot grow to the size of house cats (unless they are really tiny house cats).  So there.

But then D.C. realized what it had ended up saying.  Was it going to cede the high ground to NYC?  Was NYC henceforth going to be known as the place to find the biggest rats?  Hadn’t NYC already achieved fame by becoming the place for fat cats?  Now was it also going to become the favored destination for rats?  Who would ever visit D.C. then?

So Washington Post’s Express came to D.C.’s rescue.  Your rats may be bigger, the Express’s reporter said, but they can’t beat up our rats in Adams Morgan.  

So the race is on now – which rat is bigger? NYC rat in Taco Bell?  Or D.C. rat in (your choice) Adams Morgan restaurant?

Of course, we are not even talking about the rats and fat cats infesting the corridors of Congress or Wall Street…

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5 thoughts on “NYC versus DC – who has the bigger rats?

  1. Maybe metropolitia is really controlled by some Godfather rat sitting hunched in his matchbox throne overlooking his large sub-subway empire stretching beneath the subway stations of DC and NYC, with his pouting lower lip and gravelly Brandoesqe squeaks. Maybe the IB’s of Wall Street and the senators at Capitol Hill with their greased hair combed back in their Italian suits are just puppets in His little paws.

  2. dipali: Awfully long one, but it’s done!

    ArsENik: Ha! That’s a good one…great script idea for a horror/ action movie. No doubt the trains are also remote controlled toys that he runs..

    km: While everyone knows that NYC rats are only motivated by fear and greed…but wait, we are talking about Rattus rattus, right? Not Homo sapiens? 🙂

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