How do you decorate your living room? Do you use potted plants, or beautiful sculptures? Do you have artwork on the walls and Tiffany lamps in the corners?
We place our remotes on every table and every chair in the room. Aren’t they beautiful, in their multi-colored splendor, in their polished black and shining silver and gold?
Yes, they are so beautiful, we arrange some of these remotes in elegant remote control holders. Who needs flowers in vases when you can have remotes?
Then there are the remote buttons. These are beautiful in themselves, but did you realize they also provide free acupuncture for your fingers? If you step on the remotes, they will also massage your feet. So we leave some remotes on the floor – this way, walking around the living room gives you a free foot massage.
You can also the plainer remotes as paper weights, or temporary book marks, or teething toys for your child or dog.
But with so many uses for remotes, doesn’t it seem completely unoriginal and unattractive to use them as mere controls for your gadgets? Would you use your art objects or paperweights to control your TV or DVD? Of course not.
I am sure the remotes themselves feel this way too. Perhaps they feel it is beneath them to work as mere controls any more. Which is perhaps why, despite the profusion of remotes in the room, we can never find a remote when we need it. No doubt they hide themselves away, under the seat cushions, or in the back of the remote caddy. Or perhaps they just know how to hide in plain sight.
Or is it that they feel the need to live up to their name – is that why they are in the most remote places?
Now we are wondering if we should buy another remote – a universal remote to control all other remotes, a battery-powered version of Tolkien’s One Ring. Nine remotes for mortal gadgets and one remote to rule them all. One remote that we can use as, well, a remote control.
What about the other remotes, then? Perhaps we will let them remain in their vases. We can then have our beautiful remotes and use them too.
Or perhaps you guys have better ideas?