Irresolute in the New Year

It’s the New Year now, and I cannot delay any further. At least now, I have to decide what my resolutions will be for 2008.

I may be a little late, but I will go about setting my goals the right way, I tell myself. What was that I learnt in b-school about setting goals? Yes, they should be SMART (S = Specific M = Measurable A = Attainable R = Realistic T = Timely).

With this in mind, I start writing out my resolutions. R is lounging on the couch, watching TV, so it is only fair that I should interrupt his viewing pleasure by giving him a running commentary of what I am doing.

“Number 1, I am going to lose 15 pounds”, I tell R.

R looks at me in disbelief. “Fifteen pounds?” he repeats slowly. “I’m sorry, I did not hear you right, did you say lose or gain ?”

Hmm..this is not going well at all. I wonder what he means exactly. Maybe it is not really Realistic and Attainable. Let’s make that “lose 5 pounds” on the list.

“Okay, number 2”, I say, “I am going to become a better cook”.

R turns around and says “Okay, how will you know you have succeeded?”

“Well,” I say “when I think I am cooking better”.

“No, that is not the way it works”, R says. “You should get independent confirmation. In fact, I will decide if you have become a better cook by year end”.

I look at R, and see before me a whole year of pleading for praise, being offered encouragement in tiny teaspoonfuls and doled out misery in large tablespoons.

Do I really need this resolution? Scratch this. It is certainly not Measurable.

“Well, I cook quite well already, you love my bhel puri”, I declare.

“Making bhel puri is not cooking”, scoffs R, “and you make it so rarely anway”.

I pencil in “Make bhel puri more often at least once a month”.

“Number 3, I will Not get angry, no, Try not to get angry, no, no, that is not right. It has to be Measurable too. Okay, here goes, number 3, I will not fight with you”, I declare.

“Are you writing fiction ?” R asks me.

Okay, so I shall have to change that resolution a little bit. It does not look Realistic.

“Anyway I hardly ever start fights,” I tell R. “You are the one who fights with me”.

Quickly going on, “Number 4, I shall spend less money this year”, I inform R.

“Is that before or after the Coach handbag ?” he asks me.

Of course! I had forgotten the handbag.  That would be a $500 additional expense in itself.

I quickly move on. “Number 5, I will take care of my health more”, I say.

“You need to be more Specific”, R says “ are you going to exercise more, or go for regular check-ups, or what?”

Hmm.. I pencil “exercise more”.

“Number 6, I am too stressed. I should relax”, I declare.

So I write ” Sleep longer on weekends”.

I would love to sleep longer and work less on weekdays as well, but that certainly is not going to happen any time soon. So how should I relax during weekdays?

I write “Spend more time in the bath on weekday mornings”.  I guess this may lead to a little more stress to R, but I am sure he can do with some extra stress, he seems so relaxed anyway.

My final New Year Resolution list now reads something like this:

1. Lose five pounds at some point during the year.
2. Make bhel puri at least once every 2 weeks.
3. Fight with R not more than once a day (excluding fights that R starts).
4. Spend less money on discretionary expenses (excluding $500 handbag purchase).
5. Exercise for 5 more minutes every day.
6. Sleep at least 10 hours on weekends.
7. Spend at least 10 minutes more on weekdays in the bath.

That’s where it stands now.  Does any of you have more ideas on New Year resolutions for me?

Technorati Tags: Life, humor, New Year, resolution

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13 thoughts on “Irresolute in the New Year

  1. do the first two not become contradictory..if you cook better and make food you actively like..then will you not deter your weight loss aim? 🙂
    I plan to quit smoking, meet friends and family more often and see at least 2 brand new places!

  2. Hi Lekhni,
    I’m new down here but I loved what I read! Your blog is fabulous. The posts are fun to read and enjoyable too. Count me in as a regular reader, now onwards!
    Hope you are successful in fulfilling your New Year resolutions! HAPPY NEW YEAR 😀

  3. Loved this post, and controlled my impulse to laugh out loud as Spouseji is busy snoring.
    For the last several years have resolved not to make any new year resolutions and have had remarkable success:)

  4. Since half my name is mentioned in resolution #2, I must point out that your post said “at least once a month” and the final list says “twice a month.” 😛

    Funny post. LOL @ “Are you writing fiction ?”

    BPSK

  5. Morpheus: Notice the weight loss resolution says “at some point”..no doubt, all weight lost will be gained by year end 😛

    meghnak: Thanks for the nice words. Keep visting and commenting!

    dipali: You are very wise 🙂

    ArSENik: I am scared to make that a New Year resolution. I don’t want it to suffer the possible fate of the other resolutions 😦

    BPSK: Yes, that was deliberate. All the resolutions changed from their original draft versions – if you notice, the final versions include escape clauses 😛

  6. I second ArSENik’s idea. Finding and reading something new on your blog is one of the things that makes my day!
    Funny post, so true to how resolutions are actually made! Do keep us posted. And a bhel puri recipe (whether or not it qualifies as “cooking”) will be most welcome.
    Happy New Year to you and all your readers,
    Kamini

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